The Inconsistencies of My Heart

If you’re feeling discouraged, left out or abandoned by God, unheard or unnoticed, this post is for you.  It’s one of my journal entries from this month, and I wrote it as though God were speaking it to me…I believe He impressed it on my heart and I hope it lifts you up and challenged you as well.


“I AM unchanging- unfailing- my thoughts beyond tracing out.  You sit in your unanswered prayer- your diabetes- and ask if I hear you, wonder if I care, doubt my love.  Yet I’ve told you that my love and your pain are not mutually exclusive- I AM here IN your pain, through the fire, near in your broken-hearted moments, seasons, journeys.  For your own peace I promised you truthfully that you’d find trouble here, but my presence in unending measure.  For those who wait.  Remain in my love.  Seek me first.  Acknowledge me.  Love me with your heart, soul and mind.

You accuse me of inconsistency- but I’ve never promised you safety and ease- your claims about my inconsistency reveal the truth of YOUR heart, not mine.

My Child- let me ask you this: When you come to Me in song- when you tell Me ‘nothing you desire compares with Me’… that I’m ‘all you need’… that you’re ‘desperate for Me’– why do you cry out the next moment in despair over your circumstances?  Have you ever asked yourself about your inconsistencies? How your words before me are fickle?

Dear one, am I enough for you, no matter what?  Do you desire me more than being fixed right now?  Do you trust that my love really does have your best at heart?

I know it will take time for you to be stripped of your fear and doubts and struggles.  You are human, after all.  And while you’re wrestling, know that I AM here, all love, waiting…pursuing you.  Though you doubt, remember that I died for you and there’s not greater love I could show you than that.

Can you trust that love right where you are today?”


What are you struggling with today?  Do you have prayers that remain unanswered?  I know it’s hard to share our most vulnerable hurts, but feel free to vent in this space.  And if you’ve found that whisper of God’s hope and love in the midst of your pain, I’d love it if you’d post what God has spoken to your heart!  May we continue to encourage one-another. 

4 comments

  1. Wow! “Do you desire me more than being fixed right now? ” and “Can you trust that love right where you are today?” !! Right where I am Carrye. God is begging me to trust Him even when I’m not fixed or healed or normal or whatever. For me, it’s a breaking of that need to have everything under control. Thank you for this. I love you!

    1. I love you too…and “normal”?? Are any of us? (I certainly can’t claim to be.) 😉 Keep walking, you inspire me in so many ways.

  2. Your post was very good! But what you were writing abt is partly why I have turned away from God. I know that in times of hardships and rough times we are to turn to God, but how much can one person take before we really feel more alone and overwhelmed? I want to feel that God is there but when life continues to throw stuff at us, how much is enough? It is said God doesn’t give one more than one can handle, but I personally feel like I can’t really handle all that God continues to throw at me.

    1. Hey Julie 🙂 First of all, you have no idea how much I value your honesty. I don’t have the answers that I wish I had (I used to think I did!)….I can only speak from my experience when I say that I don’t think God only gives us what we can handle. In my life it seems that the very things I can’t handle, when everything is falling apart, are some of the times that God has finally gotten my attention and made me realize how small and out of control I am. (I know, great pep talk, right?) It’s only in seeing that I’m not in control that I need a Hope that is bigger than my physical ability, my money, my insurance and even my health. But that doesn’t make my faith easy or simple-I’m always knee deep in questions. And to be honest I’ve had many more questions for God lately when I look at so many of my friends who, like you, are wrestling with what seems like more than any human should have to bear. You should hear some of my prayers…kind of ugly. I’m a mess in progress. So I promise you I’ll never judge you for what you believe and my heart is heavy for your pain. I’d love to actually hang out soon though…my son’s in prek now 3 mornings a week so maybe if I see you tonight we can plan that coffee date finally. 🙂

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