“Baby Seal Black” Emotions

It seems it’s been a long week.

I’m seriously contemplating painting my whole house black.

Oh, but that’s not a depression-induced choice, it’s just I’ve been looking at my finger-smudged, crayon sullied walls and I’m wondering what color might absorb some of that mess.

Still, the mess is a  bit depressing… the mess that never seems to go away.

So is the chronic illness that’s squatting here in my backyard without my say-so.  The calls to insurance and doctor and…wait, who the heck was I calling again?  (By the way, I’d really love to call up my insurance sometime and tell them, “Alright, for my OWN purposes please know I’m recording this message.  And by the way, I’d love to verify YOUR date of birth and address so I know where to send a birthday greeting, or hate mail, or whatever.”)

It’s the having my parents visit from out-of-state and wishing they could have been here when I wasn’t sick and grumpy.  Its comforting my little girl when she’s anticipating missing her Nana and Papa before they’ve even left.  Long distance family is hard, and being together family is messy, and we don’t really know how to do either well sometimes.

It’s having a wonderful husband who works hard for our family, which sometimes means long hours.  And I can’t remember the last week of “normal” hours frankly, so Netflix and I have standing dates…if I can get the kids to bed, anyway.

It’s a week where I spoke at church feeling so confident and excited about what God was doing.  Hallelujah!  Then three days later I found myself in an all-out wrestle match with that same God and can’t quite figure out which end is up for now, but I know I’m still in it.  The mess. The wrestle.

I’m desperately searching for the ever elusive pause button or “reset” or that infuriating Staples “Easy” button. (Which is a myth, people. I hate to be the one to tell you. Although I haven’t ruled out its existence in parallel universes yet.)

But the week’s not quite over.

And that’s why this week I’m grateful for tomorrow.  Because tomorrow is a Friend-post Friday.

 My friend Sharon is sharing, and she has some really great insight to offer.  No, not an “easy” button to fix all problems, but maybe something close to a pause button, to give me fresh perspective on the hard times.  I hope you check back in tomorrow to be encouraged too!

In the meantime…I’m going to look up some darker paint colors…I’m not sure if “Baby Seal Black” is dark enough, but it sounds more exciting than basic “Black”.  Ah, well…I’ve got a tough decision ahead of me.


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